The Naked Jungle sounds like a soft-core porn title featuring Sybil Danning or Shannon Tweed, the kind Cinemax shows at 2 A.M.on Friday nights - not that I'm personally familiar with Cinemax's late-night perv-parade, of course ( really, honey, I was just flipping through the channels on my way to ESPN and there they were...boobs! I tried to change the channel as fast as I could, but these batteries must be dying ). Alas, no one gets naked in this jungle, though Charleton Heston bares his chest a few times (too bad Eleanor Parker doesn't... mee-ow! ). This Naked Jungle is the minor classic produced by George Pal, renowned for such effects-driven epics as War of the Worlds and When Worlds Collide . It's the kind of movie AMC used to show on weekday afternoons before the channel decided to become TNT2 (since when was Amityville II considered a classic?).

Heston plays Christopher Leiningen, a powerful-but-aloof plantation owner in South America. He's too busy for a social life, so he sends for one of those mail-order brides. New Orleans widow Joanna (Parker) shows up with a lot of emotional baggage of her own. Initially, the two don't get along at all; Leiningen is put-off by her tenacity and strong will, while she struggles to understand why he resents her so much (personally, if I had spent 15 years alone in the jungle, Roseanne Barr could show up and I'd be throwin' on the aftershave, let alone someone as hot as Parker). Meanwhile, a swarm of deadly soldier ants (billions of 'em) marches toward Leiningen's plantation, during which time the two strangers eventually fall in love. Despite the fact these ants kill everything in their path, Leiningen chooses to stay on his plantation and fight them. Now in awe of her new husband, Joanna remains by his side. I guess true love makes you do dumb things. The Naked Jungle is about as old-fashioned and corny as a movie can get, but it tells a story you can't help but get into. It takes awhile to get going, but once the ants start doing their thing, the movie picks up the pace and provides some creepy-crawly suspense (even if we are convinced these characters are complete idiots for staying). The special effects are pretty good for a 50-year-old movie too, with some cool scenes of the massive destructive path left in the wake of the ants, and a mountaintop covered with the marauding critters. Parker is good as the strong-willed Joanna, and Heston...well, he's Chuck Heston (I guess that's a good thing).

This disc only features a fullscreen version of the film. I dunno, maybe a widescreen version doesn't exist. At any rate, while the image is pretty free of scratches or grain, the sharpness of the color kept fading in and out, mostly noticeable on the characters' faces: I'd see regular Chuck, then red-faced Chuck, then regular Chuck, then red-faced Chuck...etc. For a second I thought there was something wrong with my DVD player. There ain't much to say about the sound, which is rendered in English Mono. It's nothing special, and there is some distortion on occasion, mostly when people are screaming.

None...not even a trailer. Poo.

Similar Movies: The African Queen; The Swarm Useless Trivia: The Carl Stephenson short story, "Leiningen Versus the Ants," on which The Naked Jungle is based, focused squarely on Leiningen's battle against the pesky critters. It contained no mail-order bride sub-plot. Summary: The Naked Jungle won't knock your socks off, and this DVD transfer leaves a lot to be desired, but it's an entertaining way to kill 90 minutes, and probably worth repeated viewings, especially if you love watching Chuck Heston stretch his formidable thespian skills by playing Chuck Heston. Eleanor Parker's also quite nice to look at, as are the rampaging ants. Now if you'll excuse me, Naked Lunch is coming on Cinemax right now. Maybe that one has Sybil Danning or Shannon Tweed.