So while I’m doing this review, I’m also reviewing the ninth season of “Dallas.” Needless to say, this is an exciting time in my life. Never before have I seen either of these shows. Sure, I’ve heard of them, just like most of us have, but I had yet to experience the power and magnificence of Larry Hagman’s JR or the bitchiness and profound avarice of Joan Collins’ Alexis. At long last, I have decided which of the shows beats the other. The winner is… “Dynasty.” I expect some controversial splash back on this one. Any second now. Aaaaaaaany second now.

Really, it was very surreal watching the wiping, dramatic strings opening of “Dynasty” after watching the wiping, triumphant orchestration opening of “Dallas.” I felt like I was watching ABC vs. CBS, or maybe the city of Denver vs. the city of Dallas. Watching these season three episodes, I was far more taken by the story of the Carringtons and the Coblys than I was by the Ewing family epic. Granted, I was watching what by all accounts is the peak of “Dynasty” and the down slope of “Dallas,” so the comparison may not be fair. Perhaps I need to compare it to third season “Dallas,” which ended with JR getting shot. Also, by the time “Dynasty” began, “Dallas” had been on the air for three years, so it certainly paved the way for these sorts of shenanigans. Nonetheless, I felt “Dynasty” had more attractive people in the cast, better music and more outrageous melodrama. I actually feel compelled to watch a little more “Dynasty.” Certainly, I wish to see this “Moldavian Massacre” everyone is always talking about.

But man, talk about a fun time. These are some serious rich people behaving badly. Children are constantly kidnapped, life and death situations are thrown around like confetti, bitch slapping is a regular occurrence, definitely a good time. However, this particular DVD suffers tremendously for two reasons: first, the whole “volume one” thing instead of just putting the whole season on one set. It is irritating and unnecessary. Secondly, this DVD had zero special features. As I say in my “Dallas” review, the best part of the disc for me was the rather in depth documentary. Maybe that is on volume 2.

“Dynasty” is a good time, and in my opinion it is crazier than “Dallas.” And with this sort of show, the crazy is what I’m all about.